Hit-Girl Has Left the Building
by NotTooClever
Summary: Dave and Mindy finish up their patrol, then head back to the safehouse above the Hit-Cave. Fluff, gore, smut. In that order.


"That was fuckin' fun." Mindy beamed. "Did you see that dude's fingers? I cut eight of 'em off with one swing! That's a personal record." She bent to wipe her blade on one of the corpses they'd just left in the alley. "I feel like I'm getting close to a strike."

Only Mindy McCready would score the dismemberment of fingers like bowling, but I guess it translates, Dave thought. "Were these our last customers of the evening?" He asked, similarly cleaning his batons. He was out of breath but Mindy thought he'd fought remarkably, only letting their assailants land a blow or two. There was no doubt about it, Kick-Ass was starting to actually kick ass.

"I think we can get one more good scrap in on this patrol." She said, adding, "Filth runs thick in this part of town. Daddy used to call it an _open sewer_." Mindy contemptously spat toward a body she'd recently relieved of it's head.

Every time she spoke about her father Dave thought he seemed a little more insane. He would never voice this thought to her of course, because (A. Mindy could, and would, whoop his ass for it, and B.) he cared far too much about the girl to say anything hurtful. Instead he sheathed his clubs and followed her up the fire escape. He would follow her anywhere. Not just because he had agreed to when she decided to train him, but also because he respected and liked Mindy. The feeling was becoming mutual.

"Come on!" She shouted, purple hair billowing behind her as she sprinted and made an olympic leap from the edge of the rooftop. He'd watched her do it dozens of times before but it still made him nervous to see the streak of purple vanish over the edge.

Deep breath.

Dave ran, tracing her footsteps. He couldn't see the next rooftop from where he started, so he had to blindly commit himself to the jump. He felt pure exhilaration soaring over the boxes and dumpsters in the alley below. He landed on his feet, tucking into a somersault; a practiced superhero landing.

Hit-Girl was waiting for him. "Pretty smooth Kick-Ass." She winked. He smiled, she'd been flirting with him increasingly on patrols. He followed her over two more roofs, a billboard, some scaffolding, and up a drainpipe of the tallest building in the vicinity. Mindy made the climb with ease and grace. Dave hauled himself up laboriously. When he reached the top he was completely winded, but there was Hit-Girl, crouched and brooding over her city like the Bat over Gotham. Dave was struck by just how thoroughly heroic she appeared in that moment.

As if on que, a woman's scream pierced the air. An actual damsel signaling her distress. Mindy's head snapped several degrees to the left, her trained ears locating the cry's origin. With a wordless dive Hit-Girl had left the building. The claw of her grappling hook appeared, landing on the roof beside Dave's feet. Then, as though someone yanked on the other end of the cable, it pulled taught and wedged itself in the gutter. Dave hurried to the edge and saw Mindy swing in a perfect arc across the street and onto the roof of another, lower building. It was all a singular, fluent, and seemingly effortless maneuver, and it put_ his_ hero landing to shame.

"Woah."

He watched her secure her end of the cable, and then he triple checked the security of the hook on his end, before using it as a zipline to follow her. When he landed, Mindy was already at the opposite edge of the roof, looking down into the alleyway. Another terror filled shriek met their ears.

"I said shut it bitch!" A loud smack followed the voice. Dave met her at the ledge and looked down, assessing the situation as quickly as possible. Three men, armed, _salivating_. One woman, unarmed, _mortified_.

Hit-Girl turned to look at Kick-Ass, "Ready?" A fury raged behind her mask that he did not see often. Without hesitation, Mindy slid from the roof, fell two stories and landed katana first on the man in the middle. The blade paralleled his spine, entering at the crown of his skull and not stopping until the hilt. The other two men were utterly stupefied, one actually dropped his gun at his feet. Dave was not on the ground as quickly, he slid about two thirds of the way down the side of the building on another drainpipe, before dropping the rest of the way and letting the last armed man break his fall.

"What the f—" Mindy cut the man who dropped his gun short by burying a bullet between his eyes. She put the barrel of her pistol to her nostrils, inhaling the burnt gunpowder that smoked from it's tip. Dave made sure the thug he landed on would stay down.

The woman was trembling, trying to recover from her attack, and her somehow even more brutal rescue.

"That was awesome!" Mindy grinned at him, droplets of blood dotting her cheek, gunshot residue on her breath. She looked, Dave thought, simultaneously unhinged and adorable. "Did you see me kabob that cunt?!" Caught up in the moment, she pulled him into a spectacular kiss. Their lips met through the rectangular hole in his wetsuit. He thought she might have been the softest thing he'd ever felt, the sweetest thing he tasted. All of the sudden, he didn't care how old she was, all he felt was the semi-psychotic, rush of adrenaline that she shared with him through their lips. When she pulled away it looked as though she had genuinely surprised herself. "Sorry... I guess skewering that cocksucker was a bigger turn-on than I expected."

With that the woman screamed a third time and ran from the alley flailing her arms about overhead, leaving the superheros alone to bask in the casualties their good deed.

"You're _welcome!_" Mindy called after her. "Some people..." She added with a disappointed shake of her head.

Placing one foot on the dead man's shoulder and gripping the handle of her sword tightly, Mindy unsheathed the blade from his ribs, throat, and skull. Blood poured from his lips and a fountain erupted from the wound; a perfect channel from the navel to the top of his head. She cleaned the man's brains off her weapon by wiping it across his chest.

Dave wasn't as immune to the gratuity, and felt like hurling chunks, as he would say. He was getting better at hiding his queasiness from Hit-Girl though, who would mock him endlessly if she saw him visibly nauseated by violence. He liked giving Mindy as few reasons to call him a pussy as possible, though she didn't really need a reason, and called him one frequently anyhow. Not today though.

"You did great today Kick-Ass." She said smiling. "One of our best patrols in a while." He felt a swell of pride at her words, and perhaps the swell of something else.

Again they scaled a fire escape and traversed the city blocks by rooftop. Dave continued to follow, watching each time Mindy jumped, vaulted, or rolled over the cement, metal, or tile. And each time the skirt of her uniform lifted enough for him to glimpse up it he secretly thrilled.

Before he knew it they were playing firefighter down yet another drainpipe, into yet another alley. This one was familiar, it was where they'd parked the Hit-Cycle at the beginning of their patrol. Dave silently marveled at Mindy's sense of direction; how she never seemed to be lost or unsure, how she always remembered where her gear was stashed without a map. Of course she _could_ track the Hit-Cycle if it was ever misplaced, not that it ever _would_ be. Mindy took extreme care with all her father's gadgets.

Dave got his best peek up her skirt yet when she bent over to remove the tarp covering the bike. Hit-Girl tossed him his helmet, "Here ya go sweet cheeks, signature wetsuit-green!" She donned her matching purple one, and they climbed on the bike. "Hold on tight dollface." Mindy felt his hands on her hips as he pulled their bodies closer. "Oh my... I hope that's a roll of quarters Kick-Ass." She teased.

He was surprised that she could feel him through the layers of fabric; the wetsuit, her cape, her skirt. He was surprised further when she lifted the skirt and cape out of the way, and pressed her ass firmly back into him. He apologized nonetheless. She didn't respond, and the helmets made reading her facial expressions an impossibility. She started the engine and sped off.

After a few blocks she taunted him, "What would Daddy say? If he thought Kick-Ass was hard for his little girl..."

Dave said nothing, silently he cursed himself, and in particular his disobedient dick. He thought he felt her hips twitch.

After a moment Hit-Girl added, "What would Todd and Marty say? That you're a fuckin' ultra-pedo-perv..."

Her hips moved against him again.

"What would he do Dave? What would Daddy do if he caught you like this, if he knew how bad you want to _fuck_ me right now?" Dave's heart raced in his ribs as Mindy raced through the streets.

She rolled her hips aggressively back into his pelvis, accelerating the bike as she did so.

"You span _do_ wanna fuck me, don't you?"

Dave just nodded. The Hit-Cycle rolled to a stop outside the McCready safe house. Mindy cut the engine. She extended the kickstand, removed her helmet, and turned around to face him. She sat back down in his lap and lifted the helmet over his head, taking the Kick-Ass mask with it. She dropped it haphazardly beside the bike, kissing him again, more passionately. They sat on the Hit-Cycle and kissed until Dave lifted the girl, producing a giggle, and carried her inside.

Mindy pointed behind her and managed to say the word _couch_ between kisses. But he already knew where to take her. She half-bounced when Dave half-dropped her on the cushions. She giggled again. Dave smiled hesitantly.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"Just tell me what you're thinking right now."

Dave inhaled deeply. "That you're equal parts deadly assassin, and horny tween... That while no man could take advantage of you, I feel like I might be taking advantage of the situation."

"What's wrong with that?" She asked smiling, kissing him again. "Not many guys get the chance to fuck a superhero. I say take that chance, and take advantage of _this situation_." She gestured the length of her torso.

"You're the boss." Kick-Ass told his younger mentor, before kissing her neck and shoulder.

"Damn straight... Now fuck my brains out Lizewski. That's an order."

Within seconds, Mindy's skirt was up, her panties down, and Dave's dick was out. "Condoms?" He asked, looking around the room like an idiot.

"What part of _now_ was unclear?" For the first time that night, and maybe ever, Dave thought, he saw Mindy short of breath. He could see the rise and fall of her breast. He could feel her warm breath on his neck.

Hit-Girl winced. Kick-Ass groaned. Heavy breath, the slapping of flesh, and Mindy's muted moans filled the room. Dave used the sofa springs to help him maintain a nice rythym. The harder he thrust the sweeter her reaction. She encouraged him to pound her harder still, whispering the word, _harder, harder_. Dave thought his thighs, her ass, and both their pelvises would later bruise from the impacts.

"Dave." She whispered. Their gaze met, "Choke me."

He hesitated but the look she gave him seemed to echo the words, _that's an order_. While still trying to ram himself into her as hard as his hips would allow, Dave wrapped his fingers around Mindy's throat. Her eyes rolled back in her mask. He tried to release her once, but she held his hand in place with both of hers until her face turned a deeper shade of purple than her wig. Involuntary spams rocked her hips. Then she tapped his wrist as he'd tapped hers a hundred times in training, to signal that she'd had enough. Hit-Girl gasped for air. She grinned. Dave thrust a few more times before pulling out and spilling the contents of his groin on her inner thigh. He had no idea how he lasted through her whole orgasm, but he wasn't complaining.

Dave collapsed over her. His head on her breast, which still heaved desperately for oxygen. He wrapped his arms around her middle, and she stroked at his hair

"Mindy..." Dave said, plucking courage from somewhere, "I think I'm in lo—"

She hushed him, "I know you are doofus. But don't ruin the moment." He felt stupid and wounded, until she added, "...But, for the record, I think I feel the same way"

The sex with Hit-Girl just got kinkier. Mindy wouldn't use the words _I love you_ for over a year. Dave would be patient


End file.
